Thank you very much!

Today a patient sneaked five euros into my pocket. I smiled and said: "Thank you, but you don't have to give me that."

He smiled too and said: "I know what I have to give and what not, and I also know who deserves it and who not."

New year's blah

Happy new year! (A little belated I know, but I'm a very busy young miss, you know..)

SOOOOO... What are we going to do this year? I mean, work and commitments all aside.. What are you going to do for you this year?
New years resolutions anyone?

I decided to do this:

Leaving the all-black wardrobe to something a little bit more colourful. It's not as easy as I thought because everytime I see a piece I might like I think: "Well.. It's ok. Do they have it in black either?" But I'm working on it.


Visiting at least three places/countries/whatever I've never been to! Explains itself pretty much.

Blogging more often, write with a concept not just the all day, every day rants about work.

Getting back into shape/visit the gym more often. 

Spending more time with my friends, spending less time on the internet, surfing randomly..

and maybe most important: Finally start studying medicine.

“Now that it’s all over, what did you really do yesterday that’s worth mentioning?” (Coleman Cox)

Butterflies inside of your stomach - now you know why

B.F.: "Oh my... The colon itself is so darn ugly.. It looks like a fat, shabby caterpillar."
Made me laugh pretty much.

Something more likely to turn on anything

Music! Even though I cannot relate the picture of the girl (which is kinda nice, if you ask me) to the name of the band/singer/producer?

I highly doubt you need a purity ring if you wear stockings plus a see-through-lace-tanktop.

Oh yeah, you're old and ugly and pretty sick, that really turns me on.. NOT.

We have a new trainee at our ward, she is pretty with rosy cheeks, a nice girl.
So while we where in the room of two male patients, one of them, the polish one, said:
"Wow, you've got rosy cheeks!"
and she replied:
"Yeah, I always look like that, even when I am sick."
He looks at her and replies: "Your cheeks become even more rosy! You are thinking of sex!!"
and I said: "Excuse me? What are you saying to our trainee? That's not appropriate at all."

I don't know why, patients seem to think that nurses are horny all the time. I can't think of any place, maybe except a cemetery, which would be less arousing than a hospital.

Grey morning facebook stalking memory parade!

While I am stalking people I went to school with/know somehow but I am not friends with but interested in on facebook (I know you do it too!^^) I see how they changed over the years and how grown-up some of them suddenly look like. I wonder if I changed too, because I feel actually pretty much the same since Abitur.

I'm also pretty much astonished about the fact that I feel happy for them. No greed, no envy, no anger.

I guess I changed after all.

Your heart's a mess..

Working on a cardiology ward can really mess with your mind sometimes..

We have this really (and I mean really) obese woman, whose ICD activates about 20 times a day, her ejection fraction is probably below 10% (which is really not that much, normally she would've have >55% or something)
Dr. Coffee said without her ICD she would've been dead already.
She is sick to death.
And she is only 39 and has two children, both younger than 12. 

I took care of her the last couple of days, yesterday her blind husband came to office of the nurses, his son directed him carefully.
First he talked to Dr. Coffee for a while and it made me sad how serious and rational the little boy bargained about the life of his mother, why she would not get a new heart and everything..
Not very age-appropriate.
Before he left, the father said to me and my colleague:
"I know you take good care of her and I want to thank you for that, I don't think that a lot of patients and relatives tell you that, but it's good to have people like you."

I had to turn away because it made me cry somehow.

Later his wife said to me when I changed her infusions:

"Do I have to die?"

So what do you tell someone who will probably not reach the age of forty?

 Your heart’s a mess
You won’t admit to it
It makes no sense
But I’m desperate to connect
And you, you can’t live like this

So I replied:
"Well... We all have to die someday and no one knows when.

I think right now it would be important for you to focus on your family, your kids, not on the ICD or the treatment or anything that worries and distracts you."

She seemed satisfied with that answer.