"Karl-Heinz is freezing today."

Patients are weird...

I washed a patient this morning and while I was busy cleaning him he said:
"Oh well, you'll be a great nurse! Oh yes you will... What am I saying! You already are nurse! I know that!"
I smiled and said thank you since I am a polite little trainee (haha.).
Then he said: "Karl-Heinz is freezing today." I was like: "Huh?" o.O"
He meant his penis.
Karl-Heinz is the name of his penis.
Why would anyone name parts of his or her body like that?
But I'd rather like a patient that gives his penis a stupid name than this other patient we have who is really disgusting.. He used to jerk off before the nurses came to clean him.
He lives in a flat with his own mother.
He stores his porn magazines on his bedside-table.
He is so gross..
One day I was there with another colleauge, she opened his diaper to clean him.
He said: "Ah, finally the big man is set free again."
She smiled friendly and said super cool:
"Well..He isn't that big already."
Gross, gross, gross..


This morning we were also in the apartment of this super filthy patient again, blech.. (I wrote about it "here")
I prepared breakfast while my colleague started washing him, later I helped her.
Colleague: "So what do you think about a little body lotion and some deodorant?"
Patient: "No, I don't want my body to get in contact with any chemicals."
Colleague: "Well, that explains your smell."

3 days left in the ambulant nursing service..yay!