05.12.11

Your heart's a mess..



Working on a cardiology ward can really mess with your mind sometimes..

We have this really (and I mean really) obese woman, whose ICD activates about 20 times a day, her ejection fraction is probably below 10% (which is really not that much, normally she would've have >55% or something)
Dr. Coffee said without her ICD she would've been dead already.
She is sick to death.
And she is only 39 and has two children, both younger than 12. 

I took care of her the last couple of days, yesterday her blind husband came to office of the nurses, his son directed him carefully.
First he talked to Dr. Coffee for a while and it made me sad how serious and rational the little boy bargained about the life of his mother, why she would not get a new heart and everything..
Not very age-appropriate.
Before he left, the father said to me and my colleague:
"I know you take good care of her and I want to thank you for that, I don't think that a lot of patients and relatives tell you that, but it's good to have people like you."

I had to turn away because it made me cry somehow.

Later his wife said to me when I changed her infusions:

"Do I have to die?"

So what do you tell someone who will probably not reach the age of forty?

 Your heart’s a mess
You won’t admit to it
It makes no sense
But I’m desperate to connect
And you, you can’t live like this


So I replied:
"Well... We all have to die someday and no one knows when.

I think right now it would be important for you to focus on your family, your kids, not on the ICD or the treatment or anything that worries and distracts you."

She seemed satisfied with that answer.

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