Bad Timing

Actually I like it, that I can turn on the radio at in my room at the intensive ward. I mean, if you cannot talk to your patients (or you can talk to them but they don't answer to be precisely) it's nice to have some music on.

When my patient died a couple of weeks ago, there was a song on the radio which did not suit the whole situation overly well.

It's by a German singer I dislike and the chorus goes something like this:

"And every breath you take dangles on a string.."  The whole song is totally whiney and it was just so inappropriate..

Well, better than "Highway to hell" I suppose but still..



There's a new Internist at our ward, at first I thought he was really nice and a good colleague but slowly it turned out, that he seems to be pretty sneaky. 
Saying stuff and then denying he ever said it and so on.
My colleagues are really annoyed and start giving him hard times.
I don't do that but I also notice that I am extra watchful. Being careful with my documents etc..
Sad to say but you never know..

Good thing in my night watch:

Singing  "I follow rivers" in a duet with my colleague D.
We both can't sing to save our lives but he is one of the few people I know who love to sing at work as well.

Most favourite song at work right now:



Do less, enjoy it more

Best decision since Abi: reducing my full time job.
So stupid that I did not have the guts to do it earlier.

A friend said to me: "Wow, you look like you've been on holiday. You look relaxed and calm and pretty gentle. Suits you."

And I feel like I'm on holiday all the time. I get enough sleep, I have time to do all things in my apartment I've been planning for ages (like getting curtains..), I meet family and friends more often.

I hope it will stay similar when I start at Uni.



Yesterday I made a cake for my colleagues and, without bragging, I have to say that it turned out pretty amazing. (Melted Toblerone anyone?)

So I stored it in the fridge and started working, when J., one of the Docs, came in and said:
"Uh.. I will have this very uncomfortable talk with relatives today and my motivation already dropped below zero.."
so I replied: "I made a cake. It's awesome and it will cheer you up one bite at a time. You wanna see it?"
and he grinned and said:
"Show me. I wanna see it."
so we walked into the kitchen and he said:
"Wow. I think I can go back to work now, looking forward eating a piece of this baby."

Oh and this happened:

I had one awake patient who was slightly demented and confused from time to time (speaking of an suitcase with 28.000€ and stuff).
It was an isolated room where you had to wear a surgical mask etc
and I entered and he made the sign of the cross and looked scared and I said:
"Hello Mr. X, don't be scared, this is your nurse Tiny, I've been here yesterday, do you remember?"
and he squinted and said: "Please show me your nose."
So I pulled the mask a little bit down for a second and he smiled and said: "Ahh, yes, now I know. I recognize you!"

Funny little Grandpa.


Quote of the day

“The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.”


- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (American Poet)


We have this patient, he's at our ward for over a month now.
The first days I really thought he would die but he recovered slowly but still he's a very bad case for nursing care. Can't move his arms and legs and stuff..
But he's nice.
I suck at lip reading but we get along pretty well. One day he had a cannula in his tracheostoma which made it possible to speak (but this is too exhausting for him, so we can only talk for a couple of minutes)
and he said: "This only happened to me because I smoked all my life. Fucking smoking."
I did not know what to say, I mean: It's no secret that smoking isn't very healthy, right?

So over the last week his condition worsened again, he's too weak to speak, his eyes are closed almost all the time.

Yesterday I helped my colleague who was taking care of him.
"Hello, it's Tiny, do you remember me? You're not feeling to well, aren't you?"
Head shaking.
"Do you remember how we talked last week?"
"Next week we can chat again, alright? I hope you will feel better then."

I know that this is not true.
 I think he will die.
And I think he knows.

But he smiles and opens his eyes for a second and tries to say something.

And even though I suck at lip-reading I recognize two words:

Thank you.


Four years ago

While I am writing this, there's a song on the radio and the lyrics go something like this:

"..and it's alright, as long as I can stay with you. And it's alright, as long as we are together."

Today I skipped through our local free newspaper (which I normally never read because it's mainly advertising and other boring stuff.).
But today I read it and a death note caught my eye.
It wasn't a real death note, more like some kind of "In Memoriam" I can't find a proper translation.

It's about a woman who died four years ago.

The text said:

"And there are always somewhere marks of her life and her love.
In loving memory, your husband H. and your children."

I knew her, she was my patient when I was a trainee. She had cancer and got really confused in the end because there was cancer in her brain as well, she was the one who talked to the alarm bell, thinking it was a telephone and there was some sort of foreigner on the phone. I wrote about it years ago.
I remember her husband. We stood in the hallway and talked about her condition and suddenly he started crying silently, sobbing and wiping the tears away and it really broke my heart because you could feel this mans despair and how much he loved his wife.

 Obviously he still loves her and I don't know whether to find this sad or beautiful.



Oh wow, this was one of my favourite songs when I was like eleven or twelve years old.
The remix is pretty awesome, makes me wanna go out and dance to it.


Such a joker

Me: "... (Name of our Greek Doc), shall I get you the OptiGo? (portable ultrasound device)"
Doctor: "Tiny, you're such a sweetheart. I used to call you an angel but you're not blonde anymore."
Me: "Um.. You never called me angel."
Doctor:" I meant to do it, I swear. Oh and you're blushing, hahaha."