No means no. Always.

I had to change the infusions, between the infusions and the patient wasn't that much space so I had to hold my breath, pluck my tummy inwards and squeeze between him and the window payne.

Patient: "I would not mind, if you would slip on my lap."
Tiny *annoyed*: "I would mind, though."
Patient: "And if I was 40 years younger and healthy?"
Tiny: "Even then. I would mind."

(And I  will mind that you touched my hip without my permission)
(Plus: He would be 35 if he was 40 years younger o.O")
(Plus: Rule No. 4 in Nurseyland: Never ever hook up with patients. Just don't.)
(PLUS: That morning he asked our 19 year old trainee whether she can wash his privates. Luckily she asked: "Aren't you able to do that on your own?" and he replied: "Well yes.. But I would like you to do that." Yuck. Yuckyuckyuck. (Of course she did not.))

When the alarm bell in his room rang I whispered to her:
"If he tries to get fresh with you, slug him." and seriously, I meant it.


Three strokes don't make me like you more, you know?

Okay, I see, the patient had three strokes and is now a little bit weird in his whole behaviour (keeping not much of a distance e.g) so even his own wife says:
"Well.. Who would take him away from me, now? Nobody would want him anymore."

But I asked myself how much of his acting has been there secretly before he the strokes..

Tiny: "Oh, one of the paddles of the ECG does not stick to your skin anymore. Can you lift your shirt please, so I can replace it."

Patient: "Yeah sure, I like it if you touch my breast."

Tiny: O.o "Excuse me?"

Patient: "So, may I touch yours, too?"

Tiny: O.O" "NO."

Patient: "Why not? I would like to touch a young breast.."

Sometimes.. I wish it would be allowed to slap people beeing so rude. It would not make things easier, but I would feel much better.


A weekly prescription

Anatomy art made out of paper, wow!

Album cover without the dead artist(s) on them.

Full beauty project. The German subtitle says: "Can women, being that obese, still be attractive?"
Honestly? No. Just like anorexic models who harm their bodies so bad, these women aren't healthy. They are very, very sick. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of them dies at a very young age. Being chubby is totally okay. A lot of guys I talked to in my life, claimed that they actually like t&a (even though, I caught more than one checking out  the skinny girls secretly..^^)
But these women are committing suicide one donut at a time. So, sorry but no.

Plus: As always: Paris



I had to work at the ward for the heart and lung surgery for the last two days.
It's been exhausting but pretty interesting.
And again I noticed that the atmosphere of conversation on surgical wards is pretty... rough.

Male Nurse about patient: "She seemed fitter than the exorcist thought."
(To be honest, the female patient really looked like the girl from The Exorcist..
Tiny: "Are you okay...?" Patient: o.O" "Of course I am.." Tiny: *Shudder*

Male foreign Doctor: "Do you have vitamine c? But not with this artificial lemon taste.
I hate lemons."
Nurse: "Lemme see.. No. I don't think so. So you have to eat a sweet red pepper. Or take the vitamine c with the lemon taste. Or eat a lemon, haha."
Doctor: "No, then I will rather die."
Nurse: "Alright then."

They even told me, that there was a doctor who obviously had a drinking problem, who used to do this:

Patient: That hurts, I feel pain.
Doctor: *shouting* THAT HURTS! Boohoohoo... Look at me, I'm a little girl and this hurts so much!"

Luckily he's not there anymore.


You had me at "I'm just worried about your safety, please go back to bed."

This night, at three o'clock one of the old patients suffering from dementia wanted to get up and get dressed to meet the senior physician. (Ok...).
He already fell five or six times before but his relatives neither want us to give him tranquilizer, nor to fix him in his bed.

(My first thought was that they hope that when he falls for the seventh time he will finally break something important..)

So he climbed out of bed with his legs and did not wanted to get back into by any chance.
Instead he started kicking and punching. So uncool..

I called the doctor who sounded pretty dozily (Quelle surprise at 3:30am).
He came to our ward and talked to the patient for half an hour. I joked that he is trying to yak him back to bed. Finally, he stayed in bed and we went out of the room, my colleague E., the doctor and I.

I joked: "Well. After five minutes you made me wanna go back to bed. You had me at: "I'm just worried about your safety and I only want the best for you, please go back to bed.""

I liked: The patient who said to me: "Well, you are the night?" and I finally could say: "Yes, here comes the night!"

Plus: Lloyd's and Andre 3000's song "Dedication to my ex (Miss that). So catchy, makes me dance. Sung it the whole day.


And that's ok. I'm ready for it.

That was not really nice.

Yesterday night, I had to give a pill to a female patient at two o' clock. So I sneaked inside, woke her up carefully and handed her the pill.
She said:

"I feel all dead inside."
And of course I was like: "What?!"
And she said: "I feel, that I have no power left. It's all coming to an end."
Tiny: "No, don't you say that, it's never over as long as you fight."
She replied: "No, I know it, I'm going to die and that's ok. I'm ready for it."
Of course I almost freaked out because I've been scared, that she might be right and would actually die that night. But thankfully she did not.

But sometimes patients can feel their death.
Once there was this old woman and her relatives were with her day and night, 24/7.
But suddenly she said: "Why don't you all go and get a cup of coffee or something."
And the relatives left and when they returned, five minutes later or so, she was already dead.

I thought about that all my way home. But then I had to stop at a traffic light and say this Asian looking guy, standing there freezing while waiting for the bus and suddenly he started to shake and wiggle and jump and the song I heard matched so perfectly, I could not help but laugh.

My friend, Fabulous F. has been to their concert in Hamburg and I'm so super jealous^^