Butterflies inside of your stomach - now you know why

B.F.: "Oh my... The colon itself is so darn ugly.. It looks like a fat, shabby caterpillar."
Made me laugh pretty much.


Something more likely to turn on anything

Music! Even though I cannot relate the picture of the girl (which is kinda nice, if you ask me) to the name of the band/singer/producer?

I highly doubt you need a purity ring if you wear stockings plus a see-through-lace-tanktop.

Oh yeah, you're old and ugly and pretty sick, that really turns me on.. NOT.

We have a new trainee at our ward, she is pretty with rosy cheeks, a nice girl.
So while we where in the room of two male patients, one of them, the polish one, said:
"Wow, you've got rosy cheeks!"
and she replied:
"Yeah, I always look like that, even when I am sick."
He looks at her and replies: "Your cheeks become even more rosy! You are thinking of sex!!"
and I said: "Excuse me? What are you saying to our trainee? That's not appropriate at all."

I don't know why, patients seem to think that nurses are horny all the time. I can't think of any place, maybe except a cemetery, which would be less arousing than a hospital.


Grey morning facebook stalking memory parade!

While I am stalking people I went to school with/know somehow but I am not friends with but interested in on facebook (I know you do it too!^^) I see how they changed over the years and how grown-up some of them suddenly look like. I wonder if I changed too, because I feel actually pretty much the same since Abitur.

I'm also pretty much astonished about the fact that I feel happy for them. No greed, no envy, no anger.

I guess I changed after all.


Your heart's a mess..

Working on a cardiology ward can really mess with your mind sometimes..

We have this really (and I mean really) obese woman, whose ICD activates about 20 times a day, her ejection fraction is probably below 10% (which is really not that much, normally she would've have >55% or something)
Dr. Coffee said without her ICD she would've been dead already.
She is sick to death.
And she is only 39 and has two children, both younger than 12. 

I took care of her the last couple of days, yesterday her blind husband came to office of the nurses, his son directed him carefully.
First he talked to Dr. Coffee for a while and it made me sad how serious and rational the little boy bargained about the life of his mother, why she would not get a new heart and everything..
Not very age-appropriate.
Before he left, the father said to me and my colleague:
"I know you take good care of her and I want to thank you for that, I don't think that a lot of patients and relatives tell you that, but it's good to have people like you."

I had to turn away because it made me cry somehow.

Later his wife said to me when I changed her infusions:

"Do I have to die?"

So what do you tell someone who will probably not reach the age of forty?

 Your heart’s a mess
You won’t admit to it
It makes no sense
But I’m desperate to connect
And you, you can’t live like this

So I replied:
"Well... We all have to die someday and no one knows when.

I think right now it would be important for you to focus on your family, your kids, not on the ICD or the treatment or anything that worries and distracts you."

She seemed satisfied with that answer.


Sweet sugary treats and tunes

Song I heard on my way home from school (Even though I don't like Coldplay actually, Charlie Brown is a pretty sweet song)

Tom Vek - Aroused Heard this song while I made chocolate candy for the first time (white chocolate with coconut rasps)


How shall I call him?

Team assistant S. and I had our break. We sat in the little kitchen which is for the nurses, the glass door closed to keep away disturbances, noise and everything that keeps you away from your sandwich.
(Not that patients give a bloody shit though. Most of the times someone opens the door (without knocking of course) and says: "Oh right, I see you're eating but could you do (insert random shit here) for me?" In the past, I choked down my food and left the table to do that, but not with S.
She forces you to sit down again and says with a very polite voice: "I'm eating." and if the patient did not get her message (even though there is nothing to be misunderstood) she repeats "I'm eating." This sentence includes the promise: "I will eat you, if you don't fuck off and leave me alone asap!"

But what I actually wanted to write was this:

We sat in the kitchen, the glass door was closed. We talked about this and that when suddenly one of our three Doctors appeared in front of the glass door. He shielded his eyes with his hand, peeking inside, saw us, smiled and started to do the moonwalk and some dance moves in front of the door to entertain us.

I don't have a nickname for him yet. Like for Dr. Mumble in the hospital where I underwent my apprenticeship. I think Dr. Coffee will do the trick though, the German word for coffee sounds a bit like his name and the first thing he says is alway: "Heeeey ladies... Oh, you've got some coffee left! Sweet!" Needless to say, we do get along pretty good.


Cleaning up - the dirty way!

Hope you all already finished your breakfast?
Then there you go:

Yesterday a new patient arrived at the ward I'm working at.
He seemed pretty rude and not very nice in any way. A man who was with him (we did not know if and how they were related to each other) shouted at one of our nurses in a way, that made me want to hit him. With gloves on, of course.

When we had our break, my colleague and mentor A. suddenly screamed: "Oh fuck, I know him. He's been a patient here before.. He always said that he was suffering from constipation.. So one day he made himself an enema.
With. The. Shower head!"

Tiny: Wow.. The customary shower head is pretty big. How did he.."
A: "He's gay. "
Tiny: "Oh ok."
A: "We had to replace the shower head, the hose, everything. Plus the shower had to be disinfected completely."


What's worse: Watching him doing something bad or forcing him not to do it?

Something I hear on my way to work after getting up at 4:20 am.
Yesterday on my way home I got stuck in a traffic jam, I wondered: "Maybe an accident or something bad happened?" But then, under a bridge with seriously no way to drive around the obstruction (because it was on an Autobahn..) I saw what caused all the anger and stress.
A little car broke down. And while I dodged the car, driving app. 15 kmh per hour, I saw the driver and his passengers. Old people, looking confused..

Call me mean, but that did not surprise me.
Probably they did not even have a mobile phone to call for help. They stayed in the car, without putting up a warning triangle or anything.. Ohhh.. Old people.. We get along so great before we met at work, didn't we?

Anyway. What I really wanted to blog about was something we had a discussion at work about today.
There is this man, he is maybe as old as my mum. He will die. I don't need to be a magician to see that. He is allowed to drink one litre per day. He drinks maybe four because he forces his wife to bootleg coke, snacks, Capri pouch packs, cold Sauerkraut in cans. Yum. And then he complains about the water dripping out of his pores on his legs. No fucking lie. It's like a human fountain.
I told him to stop drinking so much, because his heart just can't take it anymore. The other nurses told him to stop drinking so much. Every doctor told him to stop doing so.
Our team assistant told me today: "You have to throw away all of this snacks and drinks!"
and I replied: "Um.. No? Is he a grown man? I think so. Plus: He is neither suffering from dementia nor is he under the control of psycho-social care or whatever.
I told him to stop drinking so much, he continues.
I'm not his mommy.
Plus I think there is a certain personal responsibility concerning his illness and his treatment."

She did not agree with me.

I found two quotes which suit this whole situation:

"If something is bad, the opposite doesn't has to be good. That's reasonable, isn't it?
The opposite of bad is not always good, but sometimes it's even worse." - Watzlawick

and a little part out of a poem of Erich Kästner.

It's called "The violence"

"Violence does not begin if ill people get killed, violence begins if someone says: You are ill, you have to do what I tell you..."


He is dead. He died one or two weeks ago at our intensive care ward.
Even though he already lost twelve kilos (because his wife was not allowed to take her bag inside) his heart just simply couldn't take it anylonger.


Not exactly, a lot of handicapped persons can open a thermos jugs.

Patient: "How can I open this thing here?" Points at a thermos jug.
Colleague *whispering* "Is he suffering from dementia or what?"
Me *whisperingback* "No, I just think he's one of those men whose women do everything at home for them.."
Colleague: "Awful.. Like a handicapped person."

Me: o.O ....


Something to think about

“Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?” — Friedrich Nietzsche

“Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“People need to be made more aware of the need to work at learning how to live because life is so quick and sometimes it goes away too quickly.” — Andy Warhol

Being friendly is the new black... or not.

On Monday I had late shift. One of the docs stood in the room where we prepare infusions.
I said: "Hey!"
and he was like: "YEAH! What is it this time?!"
and I replied: "Um... nothing, I just thought it would be nice to say hi and do not want anything at all from you. Not the usual: Hey, can you do this and that?.. Just nice and simple saying hello.
He looked at me like I'm a total nut.


The new ward I am working at has a lot of monitoring.. So there are different alarm bells.
A long tone if the cables disconnect (e.g. the patient left the bed to go to the toilet equals 95% of the alarms..) a faster two tone alarm if something is wrong with the ECG and a really fast two tone alarm for a flatline.

No lie: Something there is always ringing. I'm pretty amazed that I am still able to listen to music in my spare freetime because it's like the audio-overkill.
So a couple of one tone and slow two tone alarms were ringing and it sounded like this song I heard on my way to work:

I did two or three dancing steps down the hallway and entered a room to see if the patient was alright.

Two Doors Cinema Club

Two Door Cinema Club - What You Know von MaisonKitsune

Sorry, pretty much music related things going on, but I'm working on a couple of posts about "Hospital" stuff already,

stay tuned!


Gotye feat. Kimbra "Somebody that I used to know"

Am I the only one who thinks his voice sounds a bit like Sting in the chorus?


Almost a weekly prescription

Um.. Wow? I think he's actually pretty good looking. I leave it up to you to guess in which status^^

Lebowski Ipsum great movie, best drink.

Henna Art Inspired Cakes - Can't blog.. Must go into kitchen - gonna bake till I collapse from exhaustion.

If you need any excuse to procrastinate (not that we do need one, don't we?) read this
Youngest mother ever: Five and a half. WHAT?! O.o"

He looks like Prince Harry, doesn't he? But he sings so lovely.

Sorry not more for this weekly prescription. Gonna get up at 4:30..
See you soon,



Ed Sheeran - The A-Team

"He said that he will stay-" "I know."

There's something making me pretty thoughtful tonight.
I had to stay longer because we were not able to get back on track with all of our work, yuck.
So one of the anaesthesiologists came to see a patient and returned pretty pissed after a couple of minutes.
"He will stay on the operating table!"
I nodded.
Later I told our doctor what the anaesthesiologist said.
"He said that he will stay on the operating table." "I know! We all know!"

But why do they want to do the surgery anyway?
He will die, no matter what may be.
But I would rather die at home or in my nursing home or whatever than in an operating room, naked, watched by a couple of people?

Death is something I can't deal with pretty good (Luckily. I guess if it wouldn't bother me I would've lost an important part of my humanity).
A few weeks ago when I started working there, there was this old woman, it was Sunday evening and I had late shift, on Monday she would have the same surgery like the patient I wrote about earlier.
She was nice and we chatted a little and made fun together.
I said: "I have my day off tomorrow but on Tuesday we will see each other again."
She died on Monday during the surgery.
Her aorta has been so sclerotic that when they tried to expand it with some kind of balloon, it just simply burst.

I'm going to bed now.
Tomorrow I have my day off.
I guess I won't be seeing the patient again on Saturday.


Tits and cloths

Ok, I know my sense of humor can be quite infantile sometimes, but this made me laugh really hard.
I've been looking for the locker room in the basement of my new work (seriously, I spend most of my time looking for stuff, straying around helplessly) and there was this sign:

Mops and cloths --->

(I guess it's for the cleaning ladies)

Now the German word for mop can be easily altered into the German word for tits because they are written similar. In the end, the sign said:

Tits and cloths --->

I can't help it, I laugh about stuff like that.
It makes everyday working life less serious.


Post number 500

So, I think it's a pretty nice coincidence, that my 500th post will be about something I waited for three years..

I'm officially a real nurse since Thursday.

I passed all my exams (one of the reasons I did not blog very much, sorry) and will start working in a new, bigger hospital on Tuesday since I did not get into Uni this year (again).

Thanks for reading and I hope you will enjoy the next 500 blog entries :)





The sound of bells or this will make me pretty nuts within a day.

Yesterday I worked at the ward in the new hospital where I will be working as a real nurse from October on. It's a cardiology ward and they have a lot of patients wearing a telemetry or who are connected with a monitoring system.

The alarm bell rang the whole fucking day.
It's like a wedding or Christmas Eve or when you're in a church or something.

Okay, this is a little over the top but it's pretty close :D

I said to a nurse: "Wow, how do you get along with that? It's driving me nuts already."
She replied: "Well.. You get used to it. After a while you only listen to the really important alarms."
and her colleague added: "When I started working here I woke up in the middle of the night in my bed because I heard the alarm bell for a flatline in my head."


Your weekly prescription

Did you know there was a gang in Brooklyn in 1959 called "The Jokers"?
Me neither but they looked pretty cool!

Twisted Vintage - absolutely NSFW! You know, you love it!^^

Showgirls playing chess. That's it.

The Dive-Bar, a place I would def. like to visit someday.

A blogger I appreciate very much summed up the whole situation with nurses, their self-image and that whole weird behaviour thingie in hospital (it's written in German, sorry.)

Cute flight attendants

If I had an own house I would like to have this in my bathroom!

Plus: A song that makes me dance instantly at the moment. It's "Shuffle" by Bombay Bicycle Club


Everything is illuminated..

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross once said:

"People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."

Here are some of the photos I took yesterday evening:


Do you know that?
You have an idea and it's really good and you're excited about it and can't wait to do it so you can show it to everyone and they will all like it?
I had such an idea today and you know what?
It turned out to be total crap.

I wanted to sew a heartbeat on my plain black top

So go and get your needed supplies!
And there you go but alas..
All photos by Tiny (2011) as usual.

At first I thought it looks good but then I removed the paper.. 
Not good :( Not, not good..
Had to remove it completely.


I wanna be loved by you :)

Bought myself a Marylin Monroe album today (hey, it was on sale, ok?).
It's for my car-CD-collection.

Is there anything more relaxed than driving to this?

I don't think so.

By the way: Did you know that Marylin was a stutterer?
She was pretty good at hiding it!


Foster the People- Pumped up kicks

Great.. Now I'm getting nervous that I did not learn enough for my final exams.
So I keep lingering around, talking to my landlord, painting my nails in ridiculous colours, randomly surfing the internet, tidying up.
No lie, I could do another weekly prescription already..
Damnit, why not..

There you go:

Hipster Ipsum made me smile

Burlesque memorabilia whoaaaa..

Interview with Penelope Tree who is pretty cool

Hesher - a movie that seems pretty interesting plus I liiike Joseph Gordon Levitt who played different characters in "Ten things I hate about you", "Brick", "Inception" and so on..

Tallest man on earth - Love is all


Blur - Out of time

One of my alltime favourites!


Lost Things

Very Alice in Wonderland, very beautiful, very nice aesthetics.
Plus: The girl in the video is super hot o.O" Holy.. Even though I'm not overly into red hair, she looks amazing. The styling, the hair-do, the makeup. Jeez.. I'm jealous.

Plus, a nice little weekly prescription for your weekend, there you go:

Sleepers - I'm a little bit surprised that I'm not featured since I am able to sleep everywhere. My friend Fabulous F. said when I slept at Dublin Airport: "Jeez, Tiny, I thought you were dead. Seriously, you looked like a corpse."
So if there ever will be a photo exhibition called: "People who look like Zombies when they're asleep but actually aren't dead." COUNT ME IN!

Psychoplates! Awesome. I will never get tired of anything Rorschach related. It's just too cool.
"What do you see when you look at this plate?" "I see the Rorschach pattern which means my plate is empty which means I feel anger and greed rising up. Give me yours!"

Flower Pump. Awwwwww.... I like the styling with the orchids. But the roses are even more romantic.

Admit it, you watched too much "Buffy- the Vampire Slayer"! Oh you don't watch TV.. Then I don't know.. Teenage Demon Hunters Uhm.. Weird?

Underwater holding hands


It's too late..

A few days ago, the younger trainee S. and I were in the room of a nice older patient. It was pretty early and he asked: "What time is it?"
when she said gloomily:
"Too late for a new beginning.."
He laughed and said:
"Well, so young and so wisely already."


Nope, they still don't want me..

My apprenticeship is almost over.
Three years - passed.
And still.. I haven't been able to fulfill my dream to study medicine.
Obviously it's not likely to happen in the next three years either.
So what to do?
Maybe I should quit this whole idea and start something completely new.

La petite future avocate générale...?

I don't know..


What's the name of the fucking Velcro-cast?!

My colleauge T. made me laugh so much yesterday.
Obviously he has been thinking about that for a while:

T: "Velcro-cast..What's the name of the fucking Velcro-cast?
Velcro-cast is called Velcro-cast!"


Breaking bones is totally ok.

We tried to pull a patient a little bit up in his bed, he did not help a little bit.
My colleague said to him: "Hey, can you please help a little bit? I'm breaking my bones with your weight!"
He: "Then you would've done at least something today day."
We both: O.O" What?
She: "This is a joke, isn't it?"
He: No.


Uh, by the way, I found this a few minutes ago, I don't what it is or something, but it's great XD


The answer is: Oil spring!

Patient: Do you know how to make a lot of money?
Tiny: *laughing* No, otherwise I wouldn't be here.


And that's it.

There is this one great quote I want to share with you before the weekend starts (well, not mine actually, I will be working)

It's from Terry Pratchett's "Hogfather"

There you go:

"But maybe that's all just plain wrong. The well known philosopher Didaktylos formed an alternative hypothesis: " Things just happen, and that's it."

Baby, that's Franz. He's going to live with us!

My friend Fabulous F. texted me yesterday around lunch time:

"Mr. T. (totally suffering from dementia) wants to share his lunch with me.
I said: No, I have to watch my weight!
He replied: A little bit more is nicer! But I will just look.. and caress you."
and smiled broadly at me. Oh dear, he is so cute!"

and later she wrote:

"Now he is eating cooked cauliflower with dessert... He is so cute.^^ Baby, that's Franz. He's going to live with us together. What would my boyfriend say about that? I'm going to ask him later^^"

Made me smile.

I had a cute ninety year old patient who had a hip-surgery.
She said: "Oh well.. This life is one of the hardest I guess.."
I laughed and said: "Yeah.. And no matter how hard you try, you will not get out of it alive."
She bursted into laughing "That's true."


Still one of my favourites

Massive Attack's "Angel" from their Mezzanine Album.
I heard it on repeat while I was riding my bike to work. Great.

I'm in the tub! Duh..

So I already told you about this patient at the ICU.
He had his eyes closed and I wanted to ask him something.
He opened one eye and said: "Hey, don't disturb me. I'm in the the tub right now.. Duh.."
Fact: He's still fixed. Legs, arms, a strap across his stomache.

Later he called my male colleague and said:
"Hey, hey, dude, I think there was this girl.. She fixed me!"
I told my colleague to reply: "Yeah.. And you liked it, didn't you?"


Your weekly prescription (Nerdy one)

Darth Vader Ice-cream (And Marylin Monroe!)

The Vintage Drink In case you don't know which drink you should serve

Ok, the next one is pretty special.. I'm not quite sure what to think about it. Even though it combines my love for anatomy, fashion and underwater. What do you think?

Lostlosangeles runs a pretty amazing Flickr set about an abandoned fun park

Does urine taste like Capri-Sun? According to the NASA: Yes.

Garance Dore, a french blogger I like very much, posted a collection of the worst advice when it comes to love, relationships etc.. My favourites:

If you’re curious whether or not you’re in love with your man, cheat on him. If you don’t feel guilty at all, you don’t love him anymore. If you feel guilty then it’s love and don’t worry he’ll never know you did it


Don’t worry, he won’t do that after you’re married.


We should have a baby, but keep living in our seperate apartments. That’s how they do it in Europe. I think it would help our relationship.

Bloodless bloody mary - done by Luxirare


Some nice pictures I found on the Tumblr of my friend,

Without you

Making books cool again - Agreed!

Things I'm good at.

A bracelet I would wear at work - if it was allowed

Evening dresses

Who wants to recreate this foto with me? I've got the Superman shirt!

Skeletons in love



Fo' sho!

I'm working at the Intensive Care Unit at the moment and it's great (Who would've thought that I would ever call my job great again?)

So there is this one patient who is pretty young actually, in his mid-forties.

He has to be fixed because he's in a delirium (Alcohol you evil mistress..) and already got a traumatic brain injury.
He removed his foley catheter a few times and while I took care of him with my colleague I noticed some blood on his inner thighs and said:
Is he bleeding out of his penis?
And our patient who has been spaced out all the time, suddenly opened his eyes and said:
"Fo' sho!"


A very watery post

A friend of mine, the great empress, has a very appealing Tumblr, you should check out.
While browsing through it, I found a lot of pictures which are seriously great.
So in addition to my little blog entry about The Swarm, here are some water-related pictures, I like.

No. 1

No. 2

No. 3

No. 4

No. 5

No. 6

What do you think?

The Swarm

I've been reading the book "The Swarm" of the German novelist Frank Schätzing lately. It's actually pretty good I think.

There's one quote I really like:

Leon Anawak (one of the main characters) talks to another person and suddenly thinks:
"The emptiest space-" realised Anawak, "is always within yourself."

City of the living dead

Dr. R., a psychiatrist who teaches us, is simply the best. No lie.
Dr. R.: "Hmmm.. looks like the film about epilepsy is not available. So we are going to watch "City of the living dead" and afterwards: The night of the riding corpses."

I would've loved that! But unfortunately we did not.
Instead we watched a boring film about Parkinson.. Duh.



Last week I had to aspirate a female patient.
So I prepared my aspirator, put on sterile gloves, took the sterile catheter and gently put it in her mouth and removed a lot of disgusting yellow slime that covered the inside of her cheeks.
Felt a certain kind of nausea rise up.
Then I put it a little bit deeper, to get to the slime out which was in her throat.
Suddenly she started coughing and I swear.. she spat out like a whole cup of mucus.
Felt the sudden urge to vomit, gasping: "NO! Holy shit, no!"

Blood, sweat, urine, feces, even vomit for fuck's sake, I don't mind.
But slime.. Yuck..

Girl Power

A lot of my fellow readers (..) do probably know, that Iam in the lucky position to have the best mother.
Or would your mum buy you such a cool shirt?
I thought so :)


The song I heard on repeat on my way to work this morning.

93 year old pain in the ass wants some trouble.

A colleague of mine posted this on facebook, I seriously laughed my ass off.. Patients!

Patient: "Can you please help me?... I cannot reach my backside!"
T: "What? Why?"
Patient: "My arms are anatomical too short and therefore I can't reach it."

At the ward where I worked until today we had 93 year old wimp, who seriously got mad because no one washed her (Fyi: She dressed herself all alone, had breakfast on her own and did not ask for it until the finished breakfast).

Patient: "Who will wash me? I need someone to help me wash myself! I'm getting mad at you!" Points at me.
Me: So do I really look like I give a shit if you are mad at me? So, I thought you are all alone at home. Who washes you there, you pain in the neck, you.. Mrs. B.?
She: No one. I do it myself. But my wrist is swollen, therefore I can't do it now."
So we are in the bathroom. I wash her back.
(She: "Oh yes, that's so good. It feels good to get a little massage!"  Tiny: -.-" Bored face.)
Tiny: So what else do you want me to wash for you?
Patient: Oh, just the face, I did the frontside and backside already on my own.
Tiny: o.O"

So, if she is able to wash her ass, to get dressed and to eat all by herself, why isn't she able to wash her face?! Fun fact: She went out of the hospital two hours later because she didn't wanted any of the examinations and treatments that were planned for her..


Today I asked a patient when I served her lunch: Would you like to listen to the radio while eating?
She: Oh, that would be nice. ... But turn on something nice. Not those new age music."
(For her, new age means probably Beatles or Rolling Stones or something.. XD)


Heeeeey big speeeeendeeeeeeeeeer!

This month I went a little bit nuts when it came to spending my hard earned money.
It's been shopping mania.  And you know why?
Because I deserved it.
(Three A's in my oral exams!)

So here's part one:

Yours truly

Fabulous F.: "I'm going to call the devil!"
Tiny: "Oops. My phone is ringing!"
Both: O.o then XD


A sms I received from Fabulous F today.

"So sweet 183 kg on 163cm height ask me: Can I please get some sugar? Sweetener gives me cravings."

XD Made me laugh really hard.


Atomic test approved!

I don't like to watch TV. Makes me aggressive with all the stupid commercials and breaks every five minutes.
On the other hand.. Maybe I would love it if commercials were more like this..


Favourite song today

Favourite song from yesterday evening

Is this great or what? I couldn't stop dancing to it.


Your weekly prescription (Eye Candy)

So.. Today is the big day which will herald the last 101 days of my apprenticeship.
And because I've been so extra hard working the last days *cough,cough*
I present to you the stuff I found while surfing randomly on the internet doing some serious research.

The pool of my dreams

The tub of my dreams

Me in my library (no not really.. But she is hot.)

Discerning vs. cynical

As always.. Paris

Insane (but gorgeous) underwater sets

Photos in the shower
(Ok, imagine this: You are a girl and a guy comes to you and says: "Well.. You know.. I'm not much a photographer.. I'm more like an artist. You wanna come to my house so I can take a picture of you while you are naked in my shower?" I thought the same. Luckily she is a girl so it's not weird at all.. or something o.O"

Which brings me to this: The instant arty bollocks generator 
I think this is pretty funny.
I always ask myself when I visit a museum or an exhibition:
Do these people really believe what they say/write.
There's a bunch of broken glass, some plastic stuffed between two chairs and a naked display dummy on top and they say:
" My work explores the relationship between gender politics and urban spaces.

With influences as diverse as Wittgenstein and Francis Bacon, new tensions are crafted from both traditional and modern meanings.
Ever since I was a teenager I have been fascinated by the ephemeral nature of relationships. What starts out as triumph soon becomes corroded into a tragedy of power, leaving only a sense of decadence and the possibility of a new reality.
As spatial forms become frozen through boundaried and critical practice, the viewer is left with an impression of the possibilities of our condition."

And everyone is nodding and acting like: "Yes, that's totally my point of view" or
"Don't you think it's rather more influenced by Frida Kahlo and emerging sexualities?"

Let's play pretend. Holy crap yes.. This is so cool!

One last picture I like even though I don't know what to write about it.


What I see most of the time right now

Back at my desk, learning..


That's on the radio right now. I like it.

Back at my desk.

Hey there, sorry there's not much going on on my blog lately but my vacation turned out to be "Sittingatyourdesktillyoufallasleepwhilenotbeingabletorememberwhatyou'vejustreadforthethirdtime"

Friday I had my evening off, Fabulous F. cooked vegetarian Chili (which was gooood) and we went to a trash pop party.

F.: I will see you all in hell!
Tiny: No, not me!
F: (Laughing): Tiny, thoughts do count too, you know?
Tiny: (laughing as well): Fuck.

So, that's it for now.


Oh discipline, you evil mistress..

I am so hard working!
No seriously!
Look what I've found for you on the internet!

The simple living manifesto

(Maybe you can start with this to-do-list)

Photographs of Marylin Monroe before she was uber-famous

Awesomepeoplehangingouttogether Nancy Reagan and Mr. T are killing me, so cool!

Living with a chronic bitchface I know exactly what this is all about.

There you go, have a wonderful sunday!

What I learned as a trainee :)

While I am sitting at my desk trying to learn for my exams (I really do, I swear!) I remembered something JFK said while I was still working in that other hospital.
Again he was doing a cardiac catheter examination and while he put this catheter in the womans heart he started rapping ("Check-check-ch-ch-check it out, what's, what's, what's it all about!")
Then suddenly stopped, looked at us and said: "If I were younger, I would lead da whole rap-scene."
Giggled and continued working.

Later he talked to a younger colleague of him who was upset because he said yes to do some extra work even though he actually didn't wanted to.

JFK: "Look, it's just like when you are in a sauna-club (aka brothel) and you cannot say no, in the end it will be only one thing for you: EXPENSIVE!"

Oh, JFK, I miss you and your wisdom :)


Even after a hundred years..

JFK is officially the best.
No lie.
Today he has been in a cardiac catheter examination and suddenly he looked at the screen where you could see the x-ray. And he said:
"Whoa, look at this! I made a heart inside her heart!"
(The thin wire of the catheter kind of formed a heart shape inside of the woman's heart ventricle.)
He smiled at his colleague and said:
"Even after a hundred years as a cardiologist this can melt your heart, heh?"

Plus: Later during that examination he started rapping (!) and sang a song like an opera singer.




So have you ever heard about a thing called "Pummelvision"?
Me neither.
But then I found out that there is indeed such thing.
If I understand it correctly, it collects photos from you (and your friends) and puts them together into some kind of music video.

At first I thought:
Well.. not a bad idea actually since I like the combination of photography and music or different kinds of art anyway.

But then I thought:

Somehow I feel quite uncomfortable about it.
I'm not even quite sure why but the idea that it collects photos from my flickr, facebook or tumblr account seems to be not so appealing at all.
I mean, sure, if you post your whole life on facebook everyone can read it, but while I was watching the video on their main site, I thought:
There you are, little Tiny sitting in front of her laptop, watching this. I'm not more evil than my friendly neighbour but there are people out there who are and who are anything but nice.
I would not like to have a 50 something freak (who collects antlers and likes to wear high heels) masturbating over pictures of me and my friends dancing around in hot pants.

Of course you can say now I'm a hypocrite since I'm blogging about very personal stuff at LpfD but I think the difference is: I'm not naked on my blog (even though this would increase my traffic I think XD), I'm proud on the photographs I post since I took them and I'm not writing about anything too personal which would embarrass me if my boss would read it.

Starry Eyed

Doesn't fit my mood but still a very cool song:

Ellie Goulding - Starry Eyed



So there is this doctor who makes me laugh all the time.
He is a senior physician but acts and dresses like a twenty-something (spiky hair, sneakers).

He was annoyed and yelled: "Every shlong gets its own angiography nowadays!"

Later he was diagnosing things on the x-rays.
He was slightly singing: "Boombastic.. Mr. Boombastic.... Shaggy.. SHAGGY! Hmmmmm..
Oh look at that, what's that? It's Shaggy! Shaggy, Shaggy!"

He said: "And remember, the most important thing in life is to stay relaxed. Always."

Today the head physician was not at work because he was at the Orthopedist with his daughter
(Fyi: He is probably sixty or older, so either way he got a daughter at a very old age or his daughter is not overly independent.)
Either way: My favourite doctor came in, smiled and said: "Oh and by the way, I will not be here either. I gotta go to the Dentist with the girlfriend of his daughter."

I wonder how he stayed so funny.


I wish you all the best...or not.


Today was my last shift at that effing ward where I learned nothing at all because they always kept me busy cleaning, tidying up or doing other pointless stuff.

So I wish you all the best.. or not. 

A little anecdote to prove how nice and classy they are:

Nurse: I asked my son which name he would prefer if he would get a little sister.
Tiny: And what did he say?
Nurse: Asshole.
Tiny: Wow, charming.. How old is your son? (I thought maybe five or six..)
Nurse: 11.
Tiny: o.O"

Most of them were Polish so every sentence had at least one "Kurwa!" in it.
(Kurwa is commonly used to say: Fuck, shit or damn but also means whore or slut. A friend of mine who is from Polish origin said that his father also uses it as verb sometimes..)

So tomorrow I will start working in a town near my hometown but only for two weeks and then


See you soon,



And the suns bursts into a million shimmering panda bears

"Dream in a pragmatic way."

~Aldous Huxley~


Living for the weekend

When I googled the date of the release of Hard-Fi's first album my jaw dropped.
Holy sh..
Time goes by - oh yes it does.
But they are still great.
So if you don't get up and dance to them you obviously have no legs.
...Or not the same taste in music
(I decided to try not to be so over the top radical.)
So if you like to I would be totally flattered if you get up and dance to Hard-Fi o.O

Um.. A slightly unusual and interesting way to make Pizza

Precious from monica menez on Vimeo.

Even though I love her style (except the nails, when it comes to nails I am pretty basic: No nail polish at all or red. That's it.).

Working as a nurse may be nice and stuff but..

So on Friday
(It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend.. Sorry.)
I had to take an old female patient to the toilet
(Toilet, toilet, gotta go to toilet.. No seriously, sorry.)
and what happened there almost ruined my day.

But to make it more understandable and more.. visual for you, I made a picture!

So you certainly know what happened, don't you?

If you don't, never mind, young friend, Auntie Tiny will not let you down and made a beautiful picture..
There you go!

You're welcome.

Plus: My favourite part in this story is the moment when I am down on the floor (like literally), cleaning her legs and feet which were full of shit of course (I mean, hello? She covered the whole goddamn room?!)
and she said:
"Working as a nurse may be nice but stuff like this.."
 And I started laughing quite hysterically answering:
 "Stuff like that is the stuff you have to do when you are a nurse, there's nothing else."
 and she thought I'm trying to kidd her. Not at all, lady. Not at all.


Would you like that?

So I had this daydream at work
(seems like I'm daydreaming a lot- well no surprise, most of the times my daydreams are a lot better than reality. Thanks to the old, nasty patient who had a boner this morning while I've been washing him.)
in which , let me think, maybe Fabulous F., I, or some of the other Nurseys are dancing with me to this song.
In our working clothes.
In the hospital hallway.
I would like that.

If you don't watch your mouth, I will kick against your remaining leg..!

So we have this one patient, who sucks.
Sorry but it's true.
He's an asshole.
So I was serving coffee and tea (oh, how I love it..)
And he asked me: "Are there no cookies or a piece of cake today served with the coffee?"
Tiny: "No, obviously not, sorry."
Patient: "You ate it, right?"
Tiny: "No I did not.."
Patient: "Of course you did, that's why you are so fat anyway."
Tiny: O.O"


Well then..

Yesterday evening I sat next to the bed of an old woman suffering from dementia, she was eating dinner.
She wanted to tell me something, with a confused expression on her face but everything she said was nonsense:
"The box, you know, I can't think about it all the time. Well, I don't have to, do I? This tastes disgusting.."
I looked at her, friendly but obviously not able to understand what she wants.
She looks back at me, then softly slapping her forehead, saying: "Wow.. My brain is stupid."
Then she shruggs her shoulders.
"Nevermind" And continues eating.


Abandoned Chinese Cities - which are brandnew!

Happy easter?

Picture taken by Tiny (2011)

And now all together: Awwwwwwwww...

Why do I keep dreaming in this musical like manner about work?

As a trainee it's part of your work to serve coffee and tea for the patients
(I don't know why and I hate it, it makes me feel like a waitress,
the only difference is, a waitress gets paid better, the waitress wears a cute apron,
that at first I serve them coffee and later the bedpan or worse..
Ouh, just imagine how I would lift that silver serving dome et voilà...
Gastroentèrite! Bon appétit! Ok, enough is enough..)

But what really annoys me is the way all the patients behave when you ask them:
"Would you like to have a cup of coffee or tea?"

There are the "funny" ones. Oh yeah.. I know you..
"Would you like to have a cup of coffee or tea?"
"Yes, coffee please."
"Would you like to have milk and sugar in your coffee?"
"No, I want my coffee as black as night, as sweet as love and hot like hell!"
Hahaha.. You're so funny.. No one ever told me so before, hahaha.. not.

"Would you like a cup of coffee or tea?"
"Yes coffee please."
"Would you like some sugar or milk?"
"No, I want it black and bitter, just like my soul."
Hahahahaha.. Jeez.. You're killing me.. If you want it that way, I can serve it in a dirty cup as well!

Or you have to deal with the nitpicker..

"Would you like to have a cup of coffee or tea?"
"Yes please, I want 1/2 cup of coffee with 1 3/4 spoons of sugar and 2,5 spoons of evaporated milk."
"Of course, here's your  1/2 cup of coffee with 1 3/4 spoons of sugar and 2,5 spoons of evaporated milk."
Too bad: They don't even notice that I am making fun of them.

So this morning I heard a song on the radio which will haunt me for the rest of my entire nurse-trainee-life.
The next time a patient wants milk for his or her coffee I will start singing:

"No milk today, it wasn't always so, the company was gay, we'd turned night into day.."

(Plus: The singer is cute, isn't he? He's like the Sixties Bieber! XD)


Short messages about bedpans

BF: "I had to scrub the tronies -.-" Luckily this is over soon.."
Tiny: "I've been thinking about this for a while and actually it has to be "Thronies" you know, like "Throne".
          Don't you think?"
BF: "Tronie is a self-contained term which shows simultanously the retraction of the intellectual aspect when it comes to the nursing sector.
It's an expression for the working class."
Tiny: "XD XD XD You're way too cool."

Sad but true: A lot of nurses in the hospital write: trone instead of throne.
I hate this term actually.

People whose brain turn into sludge love me!

I don't know why but it's true.
People suffering from dementia want to be my friend.
Even though I would like to have our friendship on a more platonic level. (E.g no kissing, no caressing, no holding me so close I can't breath or get the feeling of being crushed to death)
Yesterday I started working again after an almost vacation like weekend.
I had to take an old lady suffering from dementia to the Gyn.
Note: I've never seen her before or even talked to her.
Lady: "Are you taking me there and will you wait for me? Cause there are things going on and a woman has to be careful these days.."
Me: "Yes, of course I will take you there and I will wait for you and I will take you back to your room afterwards."
Lady: "Good. I trust you, you little lovely human being."

Later: (I took her back to her room, brought her a cup of coffee)
Lady: "Oh yes, thank you... By the way, can we go together to drink a cup of coffee in the city sometime, when I am out of here?"

Later, around dinner time:
Another lady is sitting in her room, eating dinner, I accompany her because otherwise she would forget to continue eating.
Lady: "Wow.. This picture on the wall is so beautiful.. I like it so much."
Tiny: "It's supposed to be Monet, I guess."
Lady: "Is it an original one?"
Tiny *laughing* "I don't think so.."
30 seconds pass.
Lady: "Whoa.. I haven't seen this picture yet. It's gorgeous.. Do you like it too?"
Tiny: "Yes it's nice."
Lady: "Most people don't notice art these days, right?" 

Oh by the way: I wanted to post some pictures a while ago but somehow always forgot to do it..

I  had the best time working at the ward for endoscopy. My colleagues were beyond funny. The doctors were cool and everything was pretty laid back and relaxed.


Yummy, yummy, yummy she's got shit in her tummy..

So a pretty crazy and exhausting week is over, I had a day off yesterday, plus a whole weekend too!
Seriously this feels like having vacation or something.
So I. and little old me had our exam on Tuesday.
Which was pretty good actually but made me learn one thing:
People suffering from dementia will always (I repeat ALWAYS) surprise you.
My female 83 year old patient for example was the cutest person on the whole ward. Seriously I could've stolen her and take her home just to cuddle her from time to time and to laugh about the cute stuff she says.
(For example: When I asked her: Would you like some mineralwater? She said: "No, of course not." in a very serious voice. And I was like: "Why? You like mineralwater normally." Then I found out she understood "Holy water" (Which sounds not really like mineralwater even in German) and of course no good catholic old lady would drink a cup of holy water or two to swallow her pills.)

So when our head master and the second examiner watched us washing and taking care of our patients the whole thing started..
I.s patient had been our problem child the whole week. She was depressed, confused, grumpy and not easy to get out of bed. On tuesday she was laughing, joking, helping a lot. I. and I were surprised and pretty happy.
The time schedule should have been like this:

I. washes and takes care of her patient, I assist her.
I. cleans the room, gets everything into place while I talk to another patient in a different room about thrombosis-prophylaxis.
After that I wash and take care of my patient, I. assists me.
Last but not least: I. would've done a change of dressing.

So I. was almost done with her patient, she did great and everything went according to our plan.
Then I heard my patient (who was actually still sleeping, I thought) go something like: "Nom, nom, nom.."
Ok, that was new..
I felt alarmed.
She never chewed in her sleep before. What was she doing?
I left I. alone for a second and sneaked behind the operable wall.
Ok.. what was she eating there...??
I came closer.
This certain smell..
Oh fuck no..

Later that day I. almost peed her pants laughing when she told me:
"Tiny, when I heard your voice all desperate and panicking saying: "No Mrs. M.... please! Don't lick your fingers, no!", I swear I couldn't stop grinning.

My patient grabbed into her pants, smeared her feces all over her hand and then started eating it.
Seriously she licked her fingers, one right after the other, in this "Gourmet" like manner.
I started hyperventilating ("WHY ME!? WHY IN THE EXAM SITUATION?!")
but then I thought: You have to do everything like you would've done normally.
So I cleaned her fingers and her mouth, made her rinse her teeth, cleaned her, changed the bed sheets and tried to do a good job.

Oh and needless to say: All the days before and after our exam she continued to be the cute little old lady she's been before.


"Try to think about the nicest thing you can imagine!" "Death."

A female patient we have who is suffering from lung cancer with liver metastases is mumbling and crying.
I don't have to be visionary to see that she is dying.
Her skin is so yellow, if it wouldn't be so fucked up and sick to compare her to this, I would say she looks like a Simpson. It smells like death in her room. She is soaked in sweat and I'm trying to cool her face with a wet towel.

"I want to die.. I want to die.. Please, let me die." She cries from time to time.
I ask her: "Are you afraid of dying?"
"My colleague gave you some pain killers a few minutes ago, try to close your eyes, to relax a little bit and to wait until they work properly. Think about your most beautiful memory. Do you have kids?"
"Try to think about them. Or try to think about the nicest thing you can image."
I can't help her, I can do nothing for her. I don't know what to say.
I sit on her bed for a couple of minutes, caressing her shoulder until she sleeps or loses conscience or whatever.
I leave the room quietly.
I remember something a very calm and thoughtful colleauge said to me once:
"This is a long way and everybody has to go on his or her own and it is different for everyone.
Sometimes they can go easily and sometimes it's hard for them."

Edit: She died yesterday a few hours after we talked.
My colleague I. said that from time to time she wanted to die and then suddenly she was asking for chemo.


Ok maybe that was confused or really off topic

I: "So would you like me to put some body lotion on your legs?"
Patient: "Why yes, I've had cancer before!"
I. and me: O.o"


Would someone bother if I beat up a patient?

My oh my... It should be forbidden to be stupid.

Patient: "What's that on your arm? Punctures?"
Tiny: O.O "NO! I have atopic eczema you fucking ignorant fool!!"

I mean come on. Firstly: How rude is that?
Do I look like a junkie? And how stupid would it be to puncture my whole arms with a needle to see whether I hit a vein or not?
Or to work in a place where you have to wear short smocks which reveal your whole fucking arm.
Secondly: Are you to stupid to tell a puncture apart from a scratch?

Oh dear lord, I beg you, throw a whole truck of brains down from heaven.. We need it so urgently here.


Evil domestic goddesses are going to take over world domination today

Or whatever tickles your fancy tonight.

A guy who is taking drugs for a living - pretty interesting


Some people are really cool: Guy saves wife and mother from Tsunami

27 reasons why your blog shouldn't exist. Guilty of almost everything, fuck.

Dear blank, please blank. Careful, this can make you procrastinate for.. days? I swear -.-"
PS: This is my favourite:
Dear alcohol,
Please continue to make me the best dancer on the planet.
Sincerely, anonymous.

Brain lightbulb- very clever


Vintage medical video

A very cool teacher we have (yes there are some!) showed us this video:

A vintage video of a doctor (?) trying to explain premature ventricular contractions.
Seriously I could laugh my ass off over this.
So cool!

Randomness and laundry

A thought which came to my mind while doing the house work yesterday:

Isn't it much more difficult to be nice than to be mean?

Of course it depends on which kind of personality you have but in general it's mostly always more difficult to smile, be polite and not take it personal than to pull a long face, say "Fuck you" and bitch about it all day long.

What do you think?


Yesterday evening I met some of my colleagues in front of a club because we wanted to check the location out for our final exam party (HALLELUJA!)
The owner of the club wanted to show up at 7pm.
At 7:05pm G. grabbed his phone and wanted to call him to ask where he is.
My colleagues said: "Oh, come on, don't be so German already.."
Fun fact: He's not German.
I felt guilty because I'm the most German person when it comes to accuracy.
The location is awesome and I'm going to dance, dance, dance when I passed my exams.
"Isn't it the moment of most profound doubt that gives birth to new certainties? Perhaps hopelessness is the very soil that nourishes human hope; perhaps one could never find sense in life without first experiencing its absurdity."

Vaclav Havel <3


Oh dear..

I will have morning shift tomorrow (means getting up at I don't know.. five or something) and I swear, this is exactly what it looks like if you enter the hospital before sunrise.

(Well, we don't kill each other normally and we don't stand around the flashlight but around the coffee dispenser.
Haha. Joke. Ok that was inappropriate maybe.)

So what do you think about this android robot nurse? Looks pretty creepy huh?
I mean, no one wears bright pink twin sets in the hospital, come on!
The numb facial expression is pretty realistic though.

Ok, it's not getting better. I think I'm too fucked up for this today.


Bodi Bill - Brand New Carpet from Sinnbus on Vimeo.

Not sure about the song but the beating heart is pretty cool and I like the weird, dreamy style of the whole video.
Jeez.. It's always a bad idea to do something when you are running or stressed or not concentrated enough.
I smashed a bottle of olive oil on my way home because I've been juggling with two bags (one for work out, one for stuff I need daily) and a Baguette for Dinner.
And actually I needed that damn olive oil for cooking!!
Damn you, effing hurry!

I should handle things more like Adenauer, our very first Bundeskanzler who said to his driver:
"I'm in a hurry, slow down."



I had this daydream at work. Instead of bitching back and looking like I bit on a lemon I would do some dance moves down the hall and start singing this.

Maybe some patients doing the background singing standing there in their pyjamas swinging back and forth like in bad musical movies.

This would be... interesting.


Good evening ladies and gentlemen, it's yours truly after a very long late shift.
Did I mention that I will be in the hospital again in lemme see... 9 hours?

I wanted to tell something the whole week:

There was this 96 year old lady who was beyond cute. Every time she saw me she smiled and said: "I'm so glad to see you!" and she caressed my hand and smiled at me and I considered the possibility to adopt her.
I called her my piece of gold and stuff.
We could've lived happily ever after.
But yesterday evening she was spacy and agitated, mumbling things I could not understand.
Then she looked at me with her eyes wide open and said:
"The almighty lord is evil and he is unjust."
And I replied: "Why?"
And she answered: "Because we are evil and unjust. But not you. I am so fond of you."
I smiled and hold her hands for a couple of minutes until she calmed down.

Today I came to the ward bureau and we started our nursing hand over.
Someone said: "So, yeah, Mrs. S. died, she is still in her room because her relatives want so say goodbye, you have to take her to the morgue later."
I was like: "What?! She died? When?"
And she said: "This morning."
The handover continued and I had tears in my eyes.
Later I told my colleague P.
He said: "Well.. It's only human, isn't it?"
"Yeah.. I know, she was old and stuff.. We all gonna die someday.."
And he smiled and said: "No, you being sad is only human."

I work in the hospital for almost four years now and I still can't handle it.


Morning shift... Not.

Jeez.. How I hate it if your ward changes the service schedule without even mentioning it..
Thank you very much, you bloody bas-gwahh..
I would have arrived in time tomorrow morning just to find out, that I have late shift.
The whole week.
It's not like I have dates or plans or something.
I had to cancel dinner with Dr. G and wrote her:
"Working in hospital forever is just something for people who really dislike their friends and their private lifes."
And she was like: "Yeah, totally. But keep your head up: We're so not going to do it forever!"


Letter of motivation part I

I'm sitting here in front of my laptop, trying to write my letter of motivation, which I need to apply for a certain Uni.

It's way more difficult than I thought.

The reason I want to study at your Uni is,
I don't have a plan B,
it's cool to study abroad,
I'm afraid of bacteria and there is almost no MRSA in your hospitals, 
I want to become as cool as House, MD
I'm desperate and cute and small and I have big blue eyes that look so sad? 
I simply want to.

So far after a bad start.. Maybe I should rewrite this..



A very cute letter I received today during a very unpleasant lesson.
It's by, of course, Fabulous F.

Dearest Favourite Tiny, please, please, take on a cheerful look! For me! Just imagine something funny. It doesn't matter what! Please!!!

Awww.. and of course, I couldn't help but smile. But only for a second!


Weekly prescription

Lifts me up everytime:

And, why yes, sometimes I listen to hiphop. Who cares.

So let's begin!

Super Zen Noire

Created Equal - Very nice photos.

The Victorian era's kinky side Did you know that? Why don't they teach that in school. Would be much more interesting, I guess. The first few photos suit the article pretty well.

Naked city spleen - A naked girl in front of great urban landscapes. Nuff said.

Ultimate pirate bedroom - If I had the money and a son I would totally do that! Well.. Skip the son, I would do it for myself too.

And as always: Paris..


BF has been so kind to submit some super cool links you should check out as well.

The Mirrorcube Maybe the hotel of my dreams.

Nomskulls - Just what it says. For the little domestic goddess with style

Butterfly ceramics which are to beautiful to be true


By the way:

Last week=

Seven days - three countries.
Feeling like an international playgirl a tourist.

A very short link prescription this week

La-la-love-you I am so going to make one of these! Yum.

Europe according to Silvio Berlusconi Haha. True.

Rubik's Brain Cube. Nerdy! Like!

Inside the business of selling human body parts Whoa..

Because, you know, actually I am learning.. *cough*


Dublin 2011 with Fabulous F.

  Last coffee before we started. You wanna see more pictures? Of course you do!


I'm nowhere near..

"All these walls were never really there,
Nor the ceiling or the chair.
I'm eking weeks of peace at the beach
I see the breezes weave the trees,
These walls, you'll find, are yours and mine
Defined not by them, I
I'm in times that lie behind my eyelids,
The sunset still the rising silence,

I'll not feel no fear
Cos' I'm not really here
I'm nowhere near here

There's no rain on roof that grates and beats me
My favourite tree breaking light to pieces
Sprinkling, sharded light on me
Throw a stone as hard as you can
And hearing with hand not here at land
Nothing taxi, dusting sand
My window world spins and twirls,
The walls then fall, I recall the sort
White clouds white wash faded spotless
The weighty shadows, ranges of rocks
The cold is all illusion thought up
Stroll on the shore, snooze and explore
All possibilities in each new morning,
'til satisfied reaching out, yawning
Fish in a big dish, some rice and spice,
Salt over shoulder, never salted so tight
The truth I have told was silence sometimes
But who's soul does not hide any crimes
Wrapped in walls, encircled by work
The walls fall - the story occurs
No barrier, no boundary or 'low us ID's
The freedom to stay off straight
Be fiend or friend, cause no harm but charm - the peaceful end

[Chorus x2]

Pale, ancient woods, strew white sandy bays
This ugly room pales away today
I'm swimming in the ocean
I sink slow motion
Fingers, toes, floating
Every year 'til yesterday
I see the eternal setting sea
I compare all this to me,
It's all fleeting momentary me
I blink my eyes, this is reminding me
Life lies in the blink of an eye
The old die for reasons, new tides for seasons
New life born is like teasing
All these walls were really never there
Nor the ceiling or the chair
I'm eking weeks of peace at the beach
I see the breezes weave the trees
I am not here at all,
You are dearly fooled,
I see bristling trees, the shush at the sea
Fluttering seagulls
I'm not trapped in a box, so I am glancing at rocks
I'm dancing off docks
Since this stance began
That's where I am

[Chorus x2]

So done."


The smallest disco in the world?

I heard this song this morning while I was in the elevator on my way down to my current work.

I always dance around in the elevator (when I'm alone of course).
It's the smallest disco in the world and there is only music I like.
Plus: I always imagine other boys and girls around the world dancing like crazy when they are alone in an elevator.

Ok. Now it sounds weird. Even to me.

Gotta go.



Tits and Tetris :) it's by Kevin Tong

My teacher always used to say things like: "It doesn't matter where they are moving, if it's to America or Great Britain or to Wiki-waki..."
So imagine my surprise when I found out that Weeki Wachee is actually a real place! And a pretty nice one, too!
Here are some vintage pictures!

Doing nothing for two minutes. I did nothing for two minutes and it was very relaxing.

This is what school looks like - sometimes^^

PS: I did that- and it was amazing!

Vanilla cream, chocolate/coffee/cardamon cream and whipped cream. Oh yeah. You can see Dr. G in the back of the picture

Cologne II

Sun rising..

A heart made of chocolate - a gift from my mum :)

My mothers bag is like the one Mary Poppins has - she made a whole breakfast appear in 30 seconds

Ouh, what's this?

Lemon-cheesecake-biscuit stuff - tasty..

50% of the blood they took this time for several blood tests

Me-  very dead beat
Tried to get a photo of the bag with the lymphocytes but my hand was to shaky
The seats where you can donate blood normally - this morning I've been the only person there because they were closed actually

This morning my mum and I went to Cologne to get this whole "They take my lymphocytes and give them to her" thing done. I've been pretty excited. Getting up at 5:30, taking the train at 6:34.
My mum is always more excited than I am^^ (if that's possible.)
 I felt like a privat health care patient this morning:
Two doctors, one nurse (and my mum) being by my side all the time, asking me permanently if I feel comfortable, if it's too cold/warm/uncosy/whatever. Bringing me Cola and snacks.

This time the apheresis did not take so long like last time - but I seriously felt like it took two weeks.
It's like jogging: The first 30 minutes are pretty easy and hey - nothing can stop you.
And then it's getting more and more intense and in the end you feel like you did the Iron-man-run with a bad flu. Well, not really but kind of^^

When we finished the whole thing my mum and I went back to the train station.
I was so dead beat, I said:
"Mum.. I'm so unbelievably tired.."
She replied: "You can sleep on the train. I will take care."
I said: "I don't think I can sleep on the train."
She looked at me and started laughing. "You! You can sleep everywhere! Even when you sit or even stand!!
Don't tell me you can't sleep on the train."
And of course she was right.
We hardly left the train station and I fell asleep in a second.

As I said I would totally do it again because if someone I love would get sick, I would wish that someone would spend a little time and donate something you have either way to save a life.
This has nothing to do with feeling special or important or whatever but with responsibility.
I don't know this woman.
Maybe she has kids, maybe not. Maybe she is married, maybe not.
But there are people who care about her and who want her to become healthy again and to be able to sit in the park enjoying the sunshine like I did today.
And so it's pretty fair to spend a few hours with your arms tied to this apheresis machine if someone else gets the chance to recover.
Get well soon, Lady!

All the best, 



Let's do something real..

The "Kölner Dom" from far away

You cannot break this heart
Hot chocolate in the waiting room. Not very tasty but very hot and pretty cheap (only 40cents!)

The medical library of the Universitätsklinik in Cologne. I think it's Germany's biggest. 

So tomorrow I will be visiting Cologne again to support the DKMS (German Bone Marrow Donor Center or whatever).
"My" patient is a 41 year old woman suffering from Leukemia.
She needs some of my lymphocytes after I donated her stem-cells six months ago.
So fingers crossed, everything will be fine.

I don't know which song suits my mood better...

This one:

Or this one: