Don't make me do it.

Dear colleague L.,

good for you that your last night shift for this week ended this morning.
You were, no lie, so close of getting a punch in the face from me, you have seriously no idea. 

You're giving me the handover of a patient of who I will take care in my morning shift, while I simultaneously check the oxygen parameters (horrible, the oxygen and the carbon dioxide parameters already crossed), the vital signs (horrible, almost no blood pressure, the patient is very cold, only about 35° C) and the electrolyte balance (horrible: very, very high potassium, very high blood sugar, the PH is 7,06) and while you talk, the patients oxygen saturation drops below 85%. 

We (one of my very experienced colleagues and I) get everything ready for an emergency bronchoscopy, I grab the emergency drugs and you fuckhead dare to say: "Well, can't I just give you the handover for the other patient before you guys start all this, cause: I wanna go home and sleep.." 

Later, after you left and we saved the patients life by getting big clots of old nasty blood out of his lung, which already clotted one tube of his bronchia. I check the monitor and notice that the patients state of health has worsen since three o clock at night rapidly. And you didn't do anything useful, you prick.

The very next morning, you tell me you already washed one of the patients which is obviously a lie because the patient is still dirty (old blood, lymph dripping out of several tiny wounds and you did not change any wound dressings because I always sign my wound dressings discretely and I have a certain way of folding pads. So you actually faked a document by putting your sign under "Washing the whole patient" "Cleaning mouth and teeth" "Changing the wound dressing" etc etc..

and, to put a cherry on top, you dare to be rude and disgusting by saying things like "You're really good in bed, aren't you?"  while I was like "What the actual fuck? Excuse me?!" 
L., even if you were the last talking and walking being in the whole universe, I would rather turn into a nun than to talk about that, or, perish the thought, actually perform anything more intimate than a handshake with you and I prefer to skip the handshake as well, thank you very much. 
If you continue on being like that and doing things like that, I am going to talk to my boss and if you still not change your behaviour, I am going to sue you, because you're an asshole.

Yours contemptuously,

T. 

Rant over and out.

So, to get back to something nice, here's a nice song I really like.