Rules!

B.F and I were joking about the behaviour of patients and their relatives a while ago and made up some "rules" so on Thursday I deceided to write them down. My classmates laughed their ass off and said: "Oh well.. this is so true.."

So there you go:

Dear patients, dear relatives!
To make your and our day better here are some pretty easy rules:

1. If you have a hospitalisation, we will keep you here. It is not possible to give you some drugs and drive you home.
2. No, we don't pay you the cab if you are leaving against the advice  of the doc.
3. If you come into the hospital upright and you walk totally easily, we will not drive you to the ward with a wheelchair. 
4. Of course you are not old. You can prove that by turning around one time in less than 20 steps.
5. If you don't want any blood tests, infusions, examinations etc... then why are you here?!
6. The doctor will not see you sooner if you ask us every 2 minutes. Please wait. We are not able to influence certain things.
7. I did not cook the food. Please don't blame me if it's cold/not enough/not tasty. 
8. Saying "Yes" or "No" if I ask you if you had digestion today is totally enough. 
9. The alarm is for emergencies. Opening the bottle for you, closing the window or fluffing your pillow up is not an emergency.
10. Dear relatives: I cannot help but react annoyed  if you ask "Well how is it going with my mother today?" Here are 40 patients, I've never seen you in my whole life and I have no fucking idea who your mother is!
11. Please ask the doctor if you have any questions about diagnoses, examinations or illnesses.  Trainees, apprentices and guys who work here because of the alternative civilian services may be a little bit overstrained. 
12. Please don't give us some urine or feces samples in our hands if we aren't wearing gloves.
13. Please don't ask aforementioned not qualified staffmembers what will be happening with you after the intake. We have no idea!
14. You are allowed to clean your nightstand before we are standing in front of you with the food-tray. These trays are pretty heavy!!

Thank you.