Feeling totally uncomfortable

Law No. 2 in Nurseyland:

"I will never ever deny patients pain meds just because I wanna knock off work quickly."

Today when my late shift was almost over, three intravenous catheter were not penetrable anymore. I called the doctor on duty and asked him to come and put in three new IVs.

Doctor: "So what are the patients names?"
Tiny: "Mr. A, Mr. B, and Mrs. C."
Doctor: "Yeah..You can discontinue the infusion for Mr. A and Mrs. C and I will see what I'll do with Mr. B."

So I disconnected the infusions and told the patients that they will not get yet another infusions.
I felt ashamed because the only reason the doctor discontinued the infusions was, his oncoming closing time. I'm disappointed in him because actually I liked him and he seemed to be nice and caring. But at the moment I am pretty mad at our docs since they are all way to half-hearted, uninterested and annoyed.

There is this old woman. She is slightly suffering from dementia.
She is anxiously and cut her foley catheter off with a nail scissor.
She cries a lot since she suffers from really severe pain.

The doctor who is responsible for her told me to inject normal saline and to tell her that she gets Dipidolor.
He wants me to lie to her face.
After an hour she gives the alarm again and tells me with tears in her eyes:
"Tiny, it's not working at all..."

I have tears in my eyes either when I write this since I feel so damn helpless
and I have no idea what to do to help her.
I have neither the authority nor the knowledge to deceide anything to help her.
I'm so sad right now.
I feel like you cannot trust the doctors anymore since they give a effing shit
about you as long as you don't die when they are on duty or since you are a private patient.

Demigods in white..
As if..

Photo taken by Tiny 2009

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